Heart don't fail me now, courage don't desert me, don't turn back now that we're here. People always say, life is full of choices, no one ever mentions Fear. Or how our world can seem so long, how the world can seem so vast. Courage see me through, heart I'm trusting you, on this journey to the past. Somewhere down this road, I know someone's waiting, Years of dreams just can't Be wrong. Arms will open wide, I'll be safe and wanted, finally home where I belong. Well starting here my life begins, starting now I'm learning fast. Courage see me through, heart I'm trusting you on this journey to the past.



Heart don't fail me now courage don't desert me. home, love, family there was Once a time I must have had them too. Home, love, family I will never be complete until I find you hey. One step at a time, one hope then another, who know where this road may go. Back to who I was, on to find my future, things my Heart still needs to know. Yes let this be a sign, let this road be mine, let It lead me to my past. courage see me through, heart I'm trusting you, to bring Me home, at last, at last courage see me through heart I'm trusting you.... hey yeah

Aaliyah Lyrics

I work all day, zoom my butt home gather up the kidsand run to town to drop off my daughter to her father. He's real late, finally shows up. Drive a co woker up the road to a job interview, run her home and, now thats it's dark, run off to feed my other horses. No lights down this back road, lots of total blackness. I only fin 1 of 3 horses in the pasture. So I dump the grain in the 10 ft feeder. I look all over calling when I hear a scream from the car.. seems one of the horses found the car and snuck up and peered into the hatchback window at the kids scaring the hell out fo them. They freaked the horse out, she happens to be jet black and very large. I send the 2 kids one way and I go the other calling for the horses. I HEAR the huge black horse running up the drive way so I bolt for the gate and throw it open just in time. Still missing one horse now. So the kids keep walking the road towards the driveway and I'm looking in the back when I hear a scream.. FOUND HER !!! BUT I THINK SHES STUCK ! I'm like WHAT? STUCK ON WHAT ??? So I run over there and heres my Pal mare peacefully standing there anchored in briars. I pull her but she won't budge. Hummmmm.... So I start running my hands all over her and I find shes stuck in the stock fencing up high on her back leg. She won't pick up her hoof, won't budge left or right.. nope shes staying right there. SHITE ! I send one of the kids to get some grain in the bucket and we start feeding her to get her mind off things and finally after getting gouged up and scratched to heck I get her leg out and her back in the pasture. WHEW !! So we run home to drop off one of the kids but as we drive up the driveway I see 2 of my cats that aren't supposed to be out running amuck around the yard in the dark. Uuuuuuuuugh ! One of them run right into the house but the other one starts running all over the place. I finally tackle her but she hits her tail on the electric fence shocking us both, she thinking I was attacking her screams and turns on me.. I let go fast. I chase her some more and nab her this time near the porch. As I'm wrestling with her on the ground, shes hissing, spitting, growling and making a racket I hear this scream and another cat launches himself onto my head and attacks me !!! So I'm holding down one cat whos trying to tear my hand apart and punching another cat who's on my head attacking me !!! Finally he gets off my head and I get the other one in the house.

I'd like to think that was enough for a while but then tonight I get home and what do I find? One of my stupid goats with her head stuck through the fencing... god knows how long she was there, she ate all the grass in front of her. At least the horses all stayed in thier patures !

Or do I have a Neon Sign stating Animal Hotel? I have been blessed with the gifts of another small black kitten that used to be my neighbors (for a few days) till he attempted to get into my dogs pen and eat thier food. See, the neighbors don't believe in feeding their cats and dogs ( wait al their dogs are dead)  Hummm. Anyhow kitty, now named Piper, resides with us since they won't take care of him. I also took home a medium sized dog that was lost and shivering outside the small store down the road. No one wanted him so ~ hop in pup and lets go. Sigh. I love animals of all shapes and sizes but gosh, things are rough and I had just about gotten down to 3 dogs, now once again I have 5.. all I can say is I feel sorry for the sucker who thinks he/she can just walk in my house. If the dogs don't get you the 6 cats surely will make trying to get around the place very hard... and then you have to get past the crazy cat that lives on my front porch !! Getting out the back is no breeze either, then you have to contend with 2 horses and 5 goats LOLOL !!!

OK so I'm looking for a place to pasture my horses for the winter thats closer to home, the ppl down the road have the perfect place with a barn and no horses any longer... so I thought.


I knock on the door and this guy comes and says hang on he has to get dressed, I wait. I ask him about using his pasture and he says as far as he's concerned no prob but gotta ask the wife. But... he says.. ya gotta help me get rid of my horse. I'm like OK no prob, I know sales sites we can list her on and I can work with her under saddle for using the pasture. He says theres a prob with that, the horse is dead. BLINK BLINK !! Dead? he says yeah, she died in one of the stalls and I can't get anyone to help me get her out. She was given to us, we didn't know anything about horses and she one day died in the stall and well.. shes been there since last winter. ( I gotta see this I say to myself) So I walk to the barn and sure enough there is a dead "skin and bones" horse in a stall. BLINK BLINK and I start laughing ( whats one to do in this situation? Martha never wrote etiquette strategy on this kinda thing ) I'm like Dude, this is just not right.. how did she die and hows it that shes still there. Well, a whole lot of people have tried to get her out but short of pulling the barn wall off they couldn't get her out. Most gave up. I'm like did ya ever think of a dolly, roll her onto her back with her stiff legs sticking straight up in the air onto the dolly and pull her out? How about take the stall wall down or "gag" take the horse apart? Humm nope never thought of that.
Soooo I end up at this guys place outside talking for quite a while, I ask about the pretty green house thats back over "yonder" the other side of his pasture. Now this house I have asked quite often about renting.. it's cute and has a bit of land with it and he says. Well I grew up in that house and then moved here and my sister got that house. She moved in there with her Boyfriend who ended up becoming a Meth maker, he began sampling his own goods and went wierd. One night he took a gun and blew my sisters head off in the living room and he continued to party with her dead body. Then a few days after snapped out of his drug induced delierium, realizing what he did, he blew his own head off. In which the bodies then sat there for a while before anyone went looking for either of them. The house then went back into the hands of the Mother of this guy and his now dead sister who then sold the house for a song, like 30 grand for the house and 2 acres of land. So these new people buy the house, fix it up and move in.. days later they start hearing wierd things in which in the middle of the night the whole family packed up and left.. leaving behind quite a few things... and it has been empty ever since. I gather no one here will buy it, the owners won't move back into it, it's all new and fixed up inside and out. And with a grin he says.. you could prolly buy it cheap ! I said now are you tryin to get someone in there to find out if yer sister is still knocking on walls and floors?

Anyhow.. the rest he said to me in about those 2 hrs I was there was also wierd and I am QUITE SURE I know more than too much about him and his life.

So what I'm wanting to know is, what is it about me that when I ask a simple question of "Can I rent your pasture for the winter" makes people think I wanna know all the stuff I get told? Or how is it I end up asking people questions that seem to have very odd lives and wanna tell all about it? Shit, I bet I could give Oprah and Jerry a run for their money if I had a TV show and a couch for some idiot to jump around on and tell all. I know more about my land lord, the guy next door.. who BTW told me his horse died of WNV but it seems rumor is that he beat the horse to death or something and thats why he never had it tested for WNV, only buried it real freakin fast. More about the police, DSS, Nurses, the Strip club I didn't know we had in town, the bus driver, how the new road is going to be built, how teen boys atually aim their cars at dogs on this road to hit them.. more about everything BUT... can I rent that pasture for the winter.

I still don't know if they are gonna rent it to me.

I did run ino them at Mc D's the other day... they'd like me to get insurance to rent this pasture, problem is, they don't have homeowners insurance and I am a renter so I don't have that kind of insurance. Geeeze